grandma

October 10, 2006 by j.

While I was driving home today, thinking random thoughts about where life takes us.. a memory came to me.

I was 23 years old, freshly laid off of my first real job and unable to find work because of a crappy economy. My parents were completely supportive, but with fretful suffocating love that I needed so much and hated at the same time. The days passed uneasily, the future so unclear. We didn’t tell my grandmother about my situation because we didn’t want her to worry - I imagined her reaction would be that of my parents x 10, all the worse because she loved me just as much but lacked the ability to help in any tangible way. Plus, she’s just a general worrybug by nature. On a daily basis, people called with expressions of concern - I told them I was fine and enjoying my extended vacation, with a forced gaiety that I’m sure was completely transparent. But they said their lines, and I said mine. This is how the world works.

One summer’s day when I was close to my emotional breaking point, we had a family luncheon at my grandmother’s house. I sat next to her and silently let her heap my plate with yummy fish and chicken and tell me that I was too thin. She asked offhandedly how my fancy job was going. “I don’t have a job,” I blurted in Chinese. “I’ve been laid off.” The table fell silent. I seeked out her eyes with mine and she didn’t flinch from it or ask me any questions - she just laid her beautiful old wrinkly hand over mine and said, “Life is funny. You’ll be fine.”

How did she know exactly what I needed to hear at that moment?

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