panties

May 4, 2006 by j.

Today I had a blip in the sunny skies of my days. All within an hour, I…

• Slipped my credit card into my pocket before going to lunch with a friend. When the very gay mexican dude with uber-bleached head at Baja Fresh rang up my order, I pulled out…. my Wegman’s shopper’s club card. Dammit! No money! Starvation and distended bellies and Brangelina!! My friend took pity and paid for my sad little burrito.
• Realized I was wearing my underwear inside out.
• Because the tag was hanging out the back of my pants like a retarded little bunny tail.
• Reflected, completely mortified, on the number of meetings I had in the morning and how many people must have seen

I didn’t even know any of my underwear HAD tags. What the hell kind of white trash underwear is this?! WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT that needs to be communicated about PANTIES, that you have to attach a retarded TAG?!?!  “Dear consumer, please put this article of clothing on your ASS. Keep away from small children and pervy old men due to suffocation hazard. Do not put in mouth. Wash in WATER.“  ?!?!?!??!

Incidentally, “panties” is kind of a … dirty word. Especially when used in conjuction with word “moist”.

This sums up how I feel about my lunch hour today:
Yeah, well here come two words for you… shut the fuck up.
– Robert De Niro

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